Okay, I lied, I'm not ready to leave. This is the hardest thing... Praying for strength, peace, and closure.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
DEC 9
I'm ready to be home. We come full circle, just proof that God is faithful.
DEC 5
As I progress through my last week in Costa Rica I am watching God purposefully prepare my heart for leaving and he has been faithful to give me new joys and excitements about the prospect of leaving this beautiful place.
Please pray as I continue to move toward my final days here. Pray for closure and connection with my family, that I would live my days with purpose and rest, and for safe travels.
Thanks!
DEC 4
Resurrection Flower!
Look at the crown of glory rising up from the crown of thorns. =)
DEC 4
Today at church I was prayed over by the elders, the congregation, and Fede. They prayed for my heart, my faith, my health, my future, my family, and my return (both to the states and hopefully to Costa Rica). =)
It has been amazing to experience the love of Christ through this church body and today I was overwhelmed by their expressions of support. I am so in awe of a God who brings together believers and who speaks to every heart, in every tongue. What an honor to serve a become a part of his church here in Costa Rica. I honestly feel that I will always hold this country and this church in my heart. As I stood and worshipped (heart beaming and the songs pouring from my lips), I vowed to pray for this town and Olivo Verde. It's the least I can do and it's what God calls us to do. =)
On behalf of me, if you are reading this, would you please pause and pray for the church as well. Pray that hearts would continue to be drawn in, that Fede and Monse would find refreshment each week, and that the love, freedom, and grace of Christ would be proclaimed to all of San Ramón.
Thank you,
Hannah
NOV 26
Despite all of the fun I had at the farm for Thanksgiving, I am a little preoccupied and sad because while we were out Wednesday my nice camera got wet and now isn't working. I had it in a plastic bag, but the humidity inside the bag was enough to get it a little wet. To be honest, I could cry every time I think about it... I at first tried turning it on, but then quickly turned it off when I realized it was messed up. I then opened it all up. I removed the lens, took out the memory card and battery, and placed all the pieces in a bowl of rice to dry out. After about 36 hours it no longer appeared wet, but still wouldn't work! =( It is so hard because I am SO careful with that camera! The second I take a risk at all - bringing it, using it - something goes wrong. I guess that's why I'm so thoughtful and cautious.
Anyways, I guess when I get home in two weeks I'll just have to take it in and see what they say...
But, please be praying for me. I'm a little distraught. I know its only a worldly thing, but I love that camera and it cost a lot of money! I was also really looking forward to getting a new lens and pursuing my photography once I graduated. But, I guess God has other plans. Please just pray that I'd be responsive to his leading and lessons. I want to learn what it is that he wants me to learn through this. And as I am clearly broken and vulnerable, I know it is the perfect time for him to shape me as I come before him.
Thank you,
Hannah
NOV 21
Wow! I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted in here. This certainly isn't because God hasn't been present and moving...I guess I'm just posting all together on the main page. Oh well.
This weekend, the morning I was supposed to climb onto the bus at 7am I could not find my phone. I wasn't upset, just bummed. I felt bad that I had potentially lost the phone that Fede and Monse had let me, so graciously, borrow and I knew it would be an inconvenience to not be able to communicate with them or my friends. This, on top of the fact that my bus schedule was long and unexpectedly complicated, I was a little off kilter. But, once I got on the bus in San Carlos I put in my earbuds and started listening to worship music. I had forgotten it was Sunday and the music was just what I need to stand (because there was actually no seat for me) and worship the Lord. I was overwhelmed by His goodness as I looked around and realized where I was and what was happening. Beautiful country wizzed past me on either side and although the journey would be long, God had provided. Perhaps he was just pleading with me to slow down and come to his presence. I obeyed.
Then, while I was still listening, I checked my phone to find some missed calls from my friends back at the hostel. I quickly pulled out my headphones and called them back. They said they had found my phone! I thanked them, wished them a fun rest of the afternoon, and returned to my music. To my joy and surprise, the next song to play was "God of Wonders" by Third Day. The amazing thing behind this is that it seems that EVERYTIME I am overwhelmed by the grace or blessings of God (I mean when I am giddy and beaming at something he has just done in my life) this is the song that pops into my head and comes pouring out my mouth in broken shouts of joy and proclamation of the wonderful Savior I serve! So here I was standing with my eyes closed, beaming from ear to ear, and mouthing the words to a song that has become my epitome of spiritual joy! =D
OCT 25
I shared this song with my host Mom yesterday and now I will share it with you. =)
OCT 24
So, yesterday Ellie came to church with me!
It was so comfortable to have her there and I could sense that she was open and processing the whole time. Her curiosity and seeking make my heart so glad. I long for her to experience the personal relationship that Christ offers her. In time and through prayer I hope she will understand...=) This morning I was reading "Just Like Jesus" by Max Lucado and found this passage to be of great comfort and inspiration:
"Seekers may not understand all that happens in a house of worship. They may not understand the meaning of a song or the significance of the communion, but they know joy when they see it. And when they see your face changed, they may want to see God's face [too]."
This is all I can hope - that Ellie caught a glimpse of the Savior at work in the hearts and souls of his sheep. Please be praying for her heart.
In addition to experiencing the joy of bringing Ellie to church, I was refocused and challenged yesterday during the service. In the book, "Just Like Jesus", Max Lucado proposes what it would mean for God to completely rule in your heart for 24 hours. He challenges you to think of what things would change if God lived your life - no circumstantial or relational changes, just the ruling of your heart.
Through worship two thoughts came vividly to my mind:
1. I wouldn't hesitate in blessing others or question if my actions in hopes of blessing others arose from self-seeking desires. I would bless without fear or pause.
2. I would not fear the perception of others but worship in utter sacrifice and freedom.
In addition to these wonderful realizations, I learned the beauty of prayer as a form of worship as I poured my heart out along with Monse - pleading for rest, peace, restoration, and renewed strength. What joy and peace I felt in the presence of God on behalf of someone else. =)
The Lord never ceases to amaze me.
OCT 22
I had some seriously, intensely good worship time last night...
OCT 21
"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"
Psalm 139:23-24
"The Lord will his purpose for me; you steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hand."
Psalm 138:8
"On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased."
Psalm 138:3
"Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
Psalm 139:14
"Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether."
Psalm 139:4
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
1 Peter 5:6
"...the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
1 Peter 5:10
OCT 21
This week my classmates planned a weekend trip to Cahuita, on the Caribbean coast, in hopes of escaping the rain that has plagued us for the last 15 days.
For some reason, all week, I could not get settled about going. I tried to mentally prepare - wasn't peaceful. I try to land some solid reason why I shouldn't go - came up empty.
I still hadn't decided if I was going last night, but thought it was safer to pack than miss the opportunity if I woke peaceful in the morning. I woke...still unsure. This went on all morning and even at 12:15pm, with the bus leaving at 1, I had not made a choice.
I prayed my whole walk home from class and texted my mom to be praying for my decision. Sometimes these bouts of anxiety are nothing of significance, but other times they have led me to make some of the best decisions of my life. So, I wanted to be faithful to the leading I was receiving from God.
Yesterday I spent much of my morning composing a letter to Monse and Fede. In it, I addressed the topic of speaking only Spanish with them and presented all my fears, hesitations, and emotions about the idea and my remaining time here in Costa Rica. I have included the letter below.
Fede & Monse,
For some reason it is so much harder for me to say what I want to say in person than to write it. So, I have thought, prayed, and now written out what I have been dying to say and explain to you both….
In fact, I think this is perhaps part of the reason I was not peaceful about going to the Caribbean this weekend.
I don’t know if you have noticed lately, although I am guessing you have, but I have been particularly quiet and keeping to myself a lot. I don’t mean to or even want to be like this. I love you both and being a part of the family! That is why I feel I must let you into my world and heart a little bit.
I think my number one goal for coming to Costa Rica was to leave confident in my Spanish. I still want this. I know it is hard, seeing as I am here for only 4 months, but I know the most important thing at this point is that I SPEAK. Every time I speak in English to either of you (or the kids for that matter) I feel like it is a missed opportunity to practice my Spanish. But when I speak Spanish I often feel like I am an inconvenience, that I slow conversation, or that I will just mess it up (which I probably will…Hahaha!). So instead of speaking I stay silent, answer in short sentences, or use gestures. This kills me because I feel like I am holding back who I am and the chance to share my life and world with you. I also feel that as I struggle to answer or sit in nervousness before speaking you are quick to try to make me comfortable and thus follow up with English – please don’t do this! I need to practice and this will take me getting over the hard, silent, awkward parts as I develop my sentences.
I have actually thought many times about asking you both to speak only Spanish with me and to “force “me to do the same. The hard thing about this idea is that I feel it may cut off what deep and meaningful conversations we do have. It has been such a joy, blessing, and honor to be able to get to know you and take part in your family as much as I have - many students in my program feel entirely distant and separated from their host families. I think the difference for me has been our ability to communicate in English during my first few months here.
Also, I feel that if I made a “rule” of no English I would be limiting Monse/your’s and Amanda’s opportunity to practice English with me.
So, you see, I am stuck.
I don’t think this struggle has been your fault in ANY way, it is mine, but I do know that I will need extra encouragement and challenging to step out of my comfort zone and talk. I am naturally a more reserved person and the type to think before I speak. So, I now ask that you help me. I don’t know what the next two months should look like, but I know want to learn Spanish and you are the best people to help. =D
Lastly, when I retreat to my room it is sometimes because I don’t know if you are busy or not. I would prefer to be with you and practicing my Spanish, but I feel that I will be asking you to do something you may not have the time to offer me. So, if you ever feel that you have the time to sit and talk with me or do anything with me, please come get me from my room. =) My time with you is much more precious than anything I could be doing at the moment. Honestly.
With love,
Hannah Fugle
After watching the news over lunch (and finding that it would likely be rainy during the trip), talking with Fede, and praying some more, I felt an udder peace fall over me....stay. So, here I am.
Within minutes of deciding to stay I messaged Ellie (who is going to be in San Ramón this weekend too) to inform her that I would be available to hang out, study, etc. Amazingly, she quickly asked if she could come to church with me on Sunday! What?! Oh when we listen to the voice of God and his plans for us, how faithful he is to provide! =) Can you believe it?
I don't know what all my weekend is supposed to entail, but I'm excited. I know that God is good, that he is sovereign, and that he is working. Please pray for my weekend - for Ellie, for Sunday, and that God would provide me with the strength and courage to give this letter to Monse and Fede.
With love and a longing to please the Lord,
Hannah
SEP 27
This morning I woke up a bit down. It is hard for me to miss church and exhaustion from the weekend had finally set in. I was sitting in my room feeling disoriented and a little lost. I had strong thirst to spend time in quiet with the Lord so I took out my journal, bible, and daily devotional.
Upon journaling and reading Jesus Calling, I was spoken an important message about the sufficiency of God and our role in seeking him in days of weakness. "Your weakness is a chance to grow strong in awareness of my almighty presence." It is not about what you accomplish in a day, but how much time you spend aware of God and fervently pursuing him. The words of Jesus Calling spoke directly to my heart: "Go GENTLY through this day, leaning on me and enjoying my presence." When we are down and feel incompetent, God does not ask us to fix things or seek to eradicate the issue. Instead, he wants us to look to him for sufficiency and strength. Our only command is to rely on him and enjoy him.
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let you heart take courage; wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:14
The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms.
Deuteronomy 33:27a
SEP 18
Today at church they played worship songs I knew! It was such a joy to sing out (even though I sang in Spanish it was easy because I knew the melody). I stood there marveling at a God who loves and knows all people. I kept thinking...
"Oh praise Him all His mighty works
There is no language where you can't be heard
Your song goes out to all the Earth
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!"
The songs we sang were:
"Shout To The Lord"/"Canta al Señor"
and...
"Lord I Lift Your Name On High"/"Dios, Tu Nombre Exaltaré"
SEP 17
I had a wonderful quiet time on the bus ride back from Puntarenas. Worship music blaring on the ipod and bible at hand. =) God is ever present in my adventures here.
1 In you, O Lord, do I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
in your rrighteousness deliver me!
2 Incline your ear to me;
rescue me speedily!
Be a rock of refuge for me,
a strong fortress to save me!
3 For you are my rock and my fortress;
and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me;
4 you take me out of the net they have hidden for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hand I commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God.
6 I hate those who pay regard to worthless idols,
but I trust in the Lord.
7 I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,
because you have seen my affliction;
you have known the distress of my soul,
8 and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy;
you have set my feet in a broad place.
Psalm 31:1-8
SEP 14
Tonight Ellie and I talked for nearly 3 hours about my faith and the things I believe. Our conversation started in regards to behavior, morals, and life choices and quickly transitioned to the topic of Christianity. It was neat to connect with her and see the openness of her heart. She believes in energies and inter-connectivity between all people. Much like I sense the Holy Spirit she senses something bigger than chance. I was very open, honest, and vocal with her about my beliefs, the gospel, the scriptures, and my doubts and fears about the choice to believe in energies. I told her that it is as if she has come to the edge of the waters but won't actually get in. Or, like taking only one lick of an entire ice cream cone! She was highly receptive to all I had to say and I could sense a great peace and comfort in her heart and eyes as I spoke truth into her life. God surprised me with this one, but I am ecstatic and hopeful.
I just pray that, if it is will, he will use me - that I may be a vessel of truth, love, and light.
Woooohoooo! Please pray.
Loving my Lord,
Loving Life.
SEP 08
Okay, time for an update. Tonight, my heart is happy! God is the Lord who provides! He reigns from heaven with wisdom, power, and love!
SEP 04
About a week ago, one of the girls in my program asked to come to church with me. I was shocked and excited at her request! Although she is very sweet, she is not who I would have expected to want to come to church; but only God knows the heart of man and the needs of his children.
Sarah was placed in what turned out to be a less than desirable housing situation (as if I don't know about that). Many of us students had sensed something was wrong, but did not understand the seriousness of the situation until Wednesday of this last week when Sarah finally shared the burden she had been holding secret. At this time I offered to go with her to request a housing change and she quickly accepted my support. In the moment I was thankful for the opportunity to bless her and show her God's love, but had entirely forgotten about her previous interest in attending church.
It was not until yesterday afternoon, when she again asked about coming to church with me, that I realized the weight of the last week's events and the potential vulnerability she would have to the gospel. At this time I was immediately filled with an excitement and desire to pray for her heart. I know that God can use any event to draw us to himself and from my past experiences I knew that not having a safe place to call home is very disorienting, exhausting, and hard. I thought to myself, "Wow! God, you would know just how to break her, how to soften her, and how to prepare her to see yourself." The prayer began and I asked my Mom to pray as well.
Sarah came over early this morning so she could hear Fede's synopsis of the sermon in English (as he does for me every Sunday before service) and ride to church with us. She was welcomed to the table and experienced exactly what I experience every day - family, honesty, love, chaos...
At church, Sarah and I shared my bible (although I also learned she had brought one on the trip with her...cool!) which turned out to be a really neat way of connecting and silently interacting during the service. =)
At the conclusion of the service I asked Sarah what she thought. She said she enjoyed it and that she really needed to start attending church. I don't quite know what these statements meant, but I can only hope that God has pricked her heart and that she can come to know and trust the Lord over the next few months. So, please join me in praying for Sarah. Pray that she would be healed, restored, and rejuvenated after dealing with the housing complication. And pray that the Spirit would be moving - that her heart and mind would be open to the gospel and to the love of Christ. Lastly, please pray for me - that I would be obedient and faithful to how God intends to use me (if that is his will). Thank you.
With Love,
In Him,
Hannah
SEP 01
As you know from my previous post, last Tuesday was a hard day for me. I felt engulfed in sadness and trapped. These emotions are normal for me as I adjust to being away from my family every fall, but it doesn't make the transition any less painful.
Tonight I had a wonderful conversation with my host parents. After dinner, they asked me how I was doing with adjusting to the food, culture, life in a foreign country, and being away from family. At first I said, "Fine.", but then I realized it was better if I was honest. I told them that last Tuesday was really rough and that I'd had some sad moments in the last few days as well. They smiled, looked at each other, and said, "We know." Monse, my host mom, had sensed it last Tuesday and mentioned it to Fede saying, "She is sad." Tonight they just encouraged me to come to them if I needed anything - to talk, to cry, to ask questions...
What a gift they are to me. We are only in week two!
Rejoicing in a God who loves me,
Hannah
SEP 01
"But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in tribulation...you will return to the Lord your God and obey his voice."
Deuteronomy 4:29-30.
AUG 27
"I have set the Lord before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my mouth rejoices; my body also will rest secure."
Psalm 16:8-9
AUG 26
THE BRIGHT COLORS MAKE MY HEART HAPPY.
AUG 26
AUG 25
Today started out as a rough day. My heart hurt - I missed home, family, routine, and God's presence. I felt dry, guilty, and overwhelmed. Let me explain. I have been struggling to having the courage to speak Spanish. I know more than I let myself believe, but I am afraid to fail. The devil has taken hold of this fear and intensified my feelings of insecurity and guilt. Along with being afraid to mess up the language, I have felt guilty that I have not tried sooner. Today as I sat in God's presence and poured my heart out, I asked that He would free me from the devil's grasp and give me the desire, vision, passion, and excitement for learning Spanish when the time is right. He alone knows my needs and the inner workings of my heart. He knows if this is a time for rest and healing or for sacrifice and hard work.
After an afternoon of peace, connection with classmates, and time my host family I have begun to speak more Spanish and feel entirely joyful and satisfied. Our God is a Lord who saves!
AUG 20
Today, Fede preached on Psalm 52:8, which is where the church gets its name - Olivo Verde (meaning green olive tree). He referenced 1 Samuel 22:23 and spoke of how the church is a place where we must STAY (even if it requires compromise), approach WITHOUT FEAR, and SHARE OUR LIVES. The result is that we will BE SAFE. Despite the chaos and wreckage around us we are like a green olive shoot in the house of God. Amen? Amen! =)
AUG 18
AUG 14
Yesterday I had this song stuck in my head (and perhaps my heart) all day long.
"Your Favor"
Elevation Worship
verse:
Your favor follows me
Your kindness leads me to a hope I cannot see
Faithful are you father to fulfill your every promise
The desires of my heart are made complete
Cause your favor follows me
chorus:
I'll give you everything I have
I'll give you everything I have
Cause I was undeserving
And you chose me
God has been good to me. I am not deserving. Yes, I have trusted him and lived with the desire to serve and obey him as he leads me through life (including the icky), but it does not make me worthy of the blessings he has bestowed upon me. I stand in awe as he fulfills the desires of my heart beyond even my own imagination. Why he chose me I don't know, but I respond as this song speaks and "give [him] everything I have".
With a new vision and hope for my time abroad,
Hannah
AUG 12
When I read this email from my host father, my heart, my fears, and all my months of trusting the Lord came rushing forth and pooled before me.
God. Is. So. Good.
To be honest, during this whole experience the hardest thing for me to give up to God has been my housing. As many of you know, my freshman year dorm experience was one of the hardest things I have dealt with in my entire life. This being said, when study abroad arose as a possibility, I was extremely hesitant to give my living situation up to the Lord. I held onto to it (as if I could do anything about it! Haha!) and it was one of the main reasons I was reluctant to apply to the program.
It wasn't until FBC Women's Retreat that I realized how tied up I was. After God reminding me of his control and goodness (through a conversation my friend Rachel), my eyes were opened to the distrust I was exhibiting. I was broken (in a good way). From that point on it has been a test of will, a fight against the devil, and a chance to trust God with something I am so fearful about.
Despite my inadequacies, the Lord has shown favor to me. He truly is the God who saves. Check out this email from my host father and see if you aren't amazed by the grace of God...
Gr8t! This is the rainy season and it will be hot almost 80 at mornings and rain at afternoon. So bring outfit for both. At home we have WI FI connection so you can use your devices to be connected 24/7 ( it is decent speed) Your bedroom has its own bathroom inside, and also we have a pre-paid 3g phone for you with this number 506 8660-7026 pls give it to your family NOW so they can call you and any minute. Or text your from USA. (we can make a text test before you come) At home there is a little monster call Ignacio he is 3.5 years old and he is noisy and sometimes a little nody (some times it is hard to concentrate, your bedroom is so quiet) and Amanda she is 10 years old she is at school and she can’t wait to see you, she so excited about your coming. I’m Psychologist and Pastor of a little church here on town and this is my 5th year. My wife Monse, she is at home and involved with the church also. I would like to go and get you at the airport next Friday, if you want, but I will need yr flight details. Pls do not worry about gifts or presents, you will be our gift and we will be honor to have you and feed you and been part of the family. Do not concern about the security here, this is a nice place and IF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND FOLLOW THE RULES of the school will be enough. Our home phone number is ### ####-#### and something very important is DO NOT GET COSTA RICA CURRENCY AT THE AIRPORT. THE RATE WILL BE A LOT LOWER FOR YR $$$
Pretty neat, huh?!
In Him,
Hannah
AUG 11
Fact: God is good.
AUG 10
Verses on my heart today:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:1-2
"How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings."
Psalm 36:7
AUG 09
As I prepare to leave for Costa Rica (just 10 more days...yikes!) I think back over my months of deciding to go abroad and am reminded repeatedly of God's provision over me and the work he has been doing within my heart. Even in the last few days I have felt God preparing my heart - bring me to a place of peace and excitement regarding my travels and life abroad. Although I have trusted God through this whole process and believe, without a doubt, that he is calling me to Costa Rica for the fall, I have been somewhat anxious about the concept of actually going. I am not very good at Spanish, I don't know what to expect, there is no guarantee I will connect with those in my program, what if I get sick...you know how the devil works to deter us from following Gods calling for each of our lives. Anyways, the verses that have been on my mind and heart are found within Matthew 6.
I am reminded that God is in control, that he cares for me and my needs, and that he will not refuse me as I seek him wholeheartedly in this endeavor.
I hope you are encouraged by these words.
And, please be praying for me as my days at home draw to a close and I step out in faith to explore Costa Rica and all God has to offer me while I am there. I want to live purposely and fully for him - seeking his face and the blessings and opportunities he lays out for me daily.
With Love,
Hannah
